It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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