On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
YAS. BRING CRAB.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize