White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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