You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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