You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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