What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
