oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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