Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
