We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
third nipple confirmed
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
