just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
