So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
