dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Randomize
