he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
