aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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