she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
im holly from the hills drunk
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
