my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
