remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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