I just pynch a tree in the face
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
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Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
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Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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