I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
