I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
