Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
