There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
