Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
