overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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