I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Bring me that man meat
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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