OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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