you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
