The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
its not stalking. its research.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
