so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
