I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I puked a lego.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
