My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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