We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He did a backflip because drugs
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