i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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