By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
