You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
