You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
