First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
