its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Even my vagina gasped.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
