How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
