Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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