Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
