I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
