He disabled his match.com account in front of me
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
