I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
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