Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
The air taste purple.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
