Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
