question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
