I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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