I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Randomize
