I cockslap morals
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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