I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
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