I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
