Apparently you make a good broom.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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