I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
In other news, I just burned my penis
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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