I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I have tasted many bathrooms
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
