his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
