i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
