It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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