Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
