I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
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I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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