you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
