Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
