I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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