I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
