Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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