Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
