I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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