my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
We got so high we made milksteak
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
