she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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