Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand

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(949): View more from California

even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that

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(305): View more from Florida

i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.

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(205): View more from Alabama

I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.

(1-205): View more from Alabama

Is it working?

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(205): View more from Alabama

Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year

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(919): View more from North Carolina

When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore

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