Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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