brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
