I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
